He's lost control

Sometimes when your path isn't clear it is easy to let worry and confusion blind you to options and opportunities. This week I have left things get on top of me, whereas I should have seen the positives in the negatives. A good friend whom I haven't actually spent much face-to-face time with for a while has put things in perspective for me, when he has already enough on his own plate to worry about my petty bobbins. It is up to me to get through the storm in my own way, but he has given me a damn good umbrella to do it - cheers muchly PM, it means a lot and you know I am always here to return the favour.

This week in a nutshell feels like I've joined a sinking ship, whereas what is actually happening is transition - a natural necessity. I guess for the first time in a while I have no one to rely on but myself in my career, and it is up to me to embrace opportunity, trust my instincts, regain confidence in my abilities and recognise when others attempt to use me to bend situations for their benefit alone. I've always thought as a team player and am proud of the fact, but it has become clear that I need to be a bit selfish and look after number one. On a positive side, I have rediscovered my love of Flash and am crafting some groovy motion for an event at Excel in April. Must say congrats to Chris at work who is leaving to work for Sony developing their SingStar on-demand song store - a coolio job by the sounds of it and well deserved. You will be missed dude.

This week was very much work work work - a few late stays for deadlines and the like. Went to that there Croydon to stay with Mike on Wednesday as Lou was away. A sort of boys night in with the intention of playing a load of PS2, but we ended up just chatting, watching the (rubbish) Brits and downing a load of Spitfire. Felt very rough for the early bird photoshoot I had to do the next morning. Mum's birthday on Saturday (happy b'day Mum) - they are off to Norfolk for a well deserved break. I trotted off to Hatton Garden to get my wedding ring re- sized and buffed. Caroline has had most of the week off before starting her new job and has been a busy bee visiting relos, tying loose ends and choosing our new car - a rather nice silver Golf 2.0. A demon little set of wheels if I may say so.

Control is a film I have been really looking forward to seeing. A long time fan of Joy Division and New Order, I couldn't wait to get into this film. It is based on Touching from a Distance by Deborah Curtis and is more of a biopic on Ian than the actual band or the times. Shot in B&W and with a raw, urban tone it explores Ian's teen years, his rise into success and his untimely end. Also looking at his relationships with Deborah, his mistress Anik and especially Rob Gretton (Joy Division's crude, dry and driven manager), who is portrayed as much as father figure as a friend. A stunning film in so many ways, but without doubt the beacon is Sam Reily as Ian Curtis - a virtual unknown actor, who spills his guts, heart and soul in this role - unbelievable. Samantha Morton is a superb support as Deborah and plays a devoted yet naive wife, almost purposely ignorant to his illness, fame and unfaithfulness to keep her own grip on reality. I can't recommend this film highly enough. It is not one you will want to watch again for quite a while (it is quite an exhausting journey), but will remain in your favs. list for a long, long time. 10/10

Saturday night we drove to Littelton near Oxford to visit Chris and Jen (and their lovely dogs Milly and Coco). The are great friends and ex-neighbours at Crockerton Road, but have binned London to live in a beautiful country pile near Oxford. We always have such a laugh with these guys and had a great night of waxing lyrical, nosh and wine (the best 4 hr roast lamb and cheese spread I have ever had the pleasure to devour)! Made us weigh up the pros and cons of living in London for the umpteenth time. Drove back this afternoon and headed straight back to the cinema to see There will be Blood. Another corker, but what a chilling, powerful film. It's still sinking in to be honest, but go and see it - it's incredible. Also, Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead composed the score, which is almost entirely percussion based, adding to the minimal and crude audibal pastiche of the film. 9/10. Either film making is getting better or we have just had a run of seeing some brilliant stuff recently. Glad we renewed our membership at our local indie cinema.

So that was the week that was (or wasn't depending on how you look at it). Feeling a bit nervy about the week to come, but I'm sure if I keep things in perspective it will be fine. Caroline starts her new job tomorrow - good luck angel, you'll be great.

Fav. tunes this week (by a mile) is Soulhack by Forss - a birthday pres. from DragonDrop. Some fine tuneage. If you like break beats, ambient squidging, phasing and bleeps buy it.